Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
how drunk are you?
Several
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
