i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
