a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
