I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
