my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
