chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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