Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
