Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
