I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
