If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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