She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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