My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
