He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
