Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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