Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
