if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
love makes seman taste better
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
