before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
