Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
