I just made out with a guy for $7.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
