After last night, I could never be a politician.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize