ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
