You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
