I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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