you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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