If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
