I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
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I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
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I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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