apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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