im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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