Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
