she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
