I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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