Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
