Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
