lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
