Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
