And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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