im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
