I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
