Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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