Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
