Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
