He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
