im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
