so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
