Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She told me I should be a condom model.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
