no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
