forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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