did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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