My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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