and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
