I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
