i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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