I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
