I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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