I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
