I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
