Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
