You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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