thus making me awesome and them whores
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we're making bets on your personal life
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
