Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
