did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize