i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
