you traded sex for a burrito?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
