I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
