I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
