wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
