I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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