why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She needs sedatives and a leash
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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